As I sit here in possibly one of the nicest cafes that I’ve ever been to, on my last day in Amsterdam, I can’t help but think about the summer that’s gone by. Little things that made it special; and some other things that made me tougher.
At the beginning of this year, I announced to my friends that this was going to be my year. I could feel it. I was determined to make something of myself, spend more time with those I loved, let go of certain inhibitions I had held on to for so long, stop whining and just make the most of everything life throws at me. I didn’t realise then what life really was going to throw at me. I thought I was invincible. That no one and nothing could ever hurt me.
So when I fell flat on my face, because of some mistakes made by me and some by others close to me, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought I’d forgotten how to be happy. I knew I’d learn again, but I also knew it was going to take a long time. I walked around with a smile plastered on my face so as not to worry those who cared about me, and also because showing emotions (particularly sad emotions) does not come easily to me; but in truth, I could almost hear the million different broken pieces of my heart, mind and soul clinking inside me.
I know, it sounds dramatic, but I am a bit of a drama queen as you’ll also learn if you continue to read my posts. However, I digress, as always.
Again, I didn’t know what life was going to throw at me when I felt all of these sad things. Life is funny, no? I have to say, that in the last couple of months since my mini breakdown, I’ve only been grateful for everything that has come my way. The good, the bad and the ugly; and there’s been plenty of them all. I’m learning, though, to only concentrate on the good. There’s so much of it.
I’m going to share a little bit of what each city taught me in my next post. I actually intended to do that in this post, but as a result of letting my thoughts run too far, I’ve ended up writing a much larger “introduction” than I intended.
I am going to share with you what I’ve learnt in the city that I currently am in, though – Amsterdam.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve heard one too many people tell me how great this city is. It’s what people had told me about Barcelona. No offence to those who love Barcelona, but I found it rather overrated. I thought Amsterdam would be a similar experience. Too many tourists, just walking over each other to get to all the popular spots in the city. I was so, so wrong.
Too many tourists? Yes. Bad experience? Absolutely not. The complete opposite, in fact.
Within minutes of arriving in this city and lugging my 25 kgs of nothing across the airport floor to the taxi, and then from the taxi to my rather fancy hostel, I was in love. It’s not something that happens too often, right? Love at first sight? So I knew when I felt it that this experience was going to be special. And it was. Still currently is.
There’s something so exciting yet so calming about this city. It’s been a while since just sitting and watching people go by, or sitting on a pavement and singing made me feel so good. No, no, it wasn’t marijuana. I promise. It was a combination of things.
First and foremost it was perhaps the fact that it was the last stop on my adventure with my closest friend and soulmate. If there’s one thing that’s helped me get through a rough phase in my life, it’s been having some of the best people by my side. So honestly, I think that I realised more than anything else in the world, that you cannot do life without people that you love and in return love you.
Everyday to get across to where all the action is at in Amsterdam, we would have to take a ferry across the river. My friend, Vera, and I would run amongst all the other people to catch the ferry that was leaving for the other side. The funny part was that there was a ferry every 3 minutes and it was exactly a 2-minute ride to the other side. Yet, day after day, no matter how far we were and how tired, if we spotted a ferry leaving for the other side when we wanted to get back, we’d run to catch it. We didn’t have the patience to wait for the next one. It just showed me such a basic characteristic of most human beings – the need and want for everything to happen, now, now, now. I decided today to wait for the next ferry instead of running for the one that was almost leaving. Nothing great happened, but I did get to listen to my favourite song one more time before reaching my final destination. That made my day. So this exiguous experience didn’t teach me much, but it definitely reiterated something I already know – good things come to those who wait.
It’s my last day on a trip that’s been my longest away from home, so far. I’ve been nervous about it ending because I don’t know what lies ahead. I’m also excited because there’s so much I’m looking forward to. I’m just so glad I ended it in a city like Amsterdam, which I can say in all honesty is now my favourite city in the world.
I’ve been sitting at a cafe which I stated at the beginning of this post is one of the nicest I’ve ever been to. I look up from my computer screen only to realise now that that’s not true. I’ve been to cuter, quainter, prettier cafes all over the world. What’s special about this one has nothing to do with the place, it has everything to do with the frame of mind I’m in. I realised over this summer, but especially here in my last stop, that life is only what you make it. People are not always going to get you, they’re not going to get what you’re going through. They will not understand your actions and many of the things you decide to do. And that’s okay. When you decide to be happy, surround yourself with people that are good for you and realise your own worth, there is nothing that can hold you back. I’m happy because I can be. Because I can choose it over every other emotion I might feel.
So, in the very wise words of someone whose name I cannot find on the internet – Keep it simple, silly! Life is beautiful. 🙂